Mike's Stuffz

ADD
So, my mom was diagnosed with ADD recently, aparently bad enough that her shrink suggested pills at 40+ years old. This makes 4 members of my family with significant mental problems, all of which are "80% hereditary". I'm scared. I've never bought into the whole miracle that is medicine for the mind, in fact until very recently I've thought of it as ridiculous. I'm tired of being this anxious, unfocused... child. I think I might be grasping at straws, hoping more than knowing that I could find something that would focus me, that would give me some courage to get out there and do things I've missed out on for 23 years. There was such an extreme change in me between when my parents split and before. Am I just praying for some kind of miracle cure? It would explain so much, why I act the way I do in relationships, why I'm not working to my potential in school, why I have troubles dealing with people I consider great, amazing friends.

I've spoken to some of my friends so far, they think I've done well for myself and I can't begin to let you know what that means to me, but I don't want to just do well. I get this feeling that I've got these problems that are like a wall, keeping me from being truly happy, truly successful. I know my friends and my family think highly of me, I just really fear that their pride in my small accomplishments over the years is... hindering their views of my real problems. I've always been great at hiding what's going on, those of you who know me well know that I can put on one hell of a facade. Boy who cried wolf seems to be a great description of a lot of my actions over the past couple years.

I thought that moving down south for a couple years would change me, force me to come out of my shell. That taking an accelerated college program would focus me more on my schooling and the necessary work ethic that would turn me into the successful working stiff I wanted to be, but lets be perfectly honest, I ain't changed a lick. I'm at my wits end with my mind and all I really want is to be able to fix what's wrong with me. I'm so tired of fighting that I'm ready to give in and take whatever pills they throw at me in the hopes that a magical cure is out there.

I know what a lot of people think, that I just need to power through it and make my inches of progress every decade, but I'm tired, so very tired.

I want to know, for certain, what you guys reading this think. If you know me personally, tell me why, for me. I don't ask this lightly, I'm truly scared about my future and don't want to make a decision like this lightly. I don't have insurance yet, so I have at least until that goes through to think it over, but I sincerely want to know what you guys think. Even if you only know me through the internet, or in passing, I'd love to hear what your opinions on psycho treatments. I don't want to make this decision without careful consideration, I'd be remarkably thankful for any advice.